Unbuttoned Yet Tucked In 2: Seducing Mr. Darcy

Why I chose this book: I was poking through the regrettably tiny romance section at the Tattered Cover Bookstore in lower downtown, Denver, determined to find my next Unbuttoned book there. There were a few prime covers - and yes, I was determined to choose a book by cover alone. Many of the choices seemed to be of the Marrying An English Lass Off To A Heathen Scottish Highlander variety, which is one of the subgenres I feel like I mined to the fullest during adolescence. And then this beauty found its way into my hands. Not only was there the required half-shirt, but an Austen tie-in! Thank you, let's see what you have to offer.

Synopsis: Ornithologist and sex-starved divorcee Flip Allison has a penchant for romance novels with lots of action. Unfortunately her book club is reading Pride and Prejudice instead. With her mind somewhat in the gutter she has a massage from a masseuse who promises her clients will fall into their favorite books. Flip goes with the idea of a recent read, a hot encounter in Venice, but instead ends up with Mr Darcy, in the physical and even more physical sense. Their affair (as well as a dead passenger pigeon that totes a ride back into reality) upsets the world as we know it: not only does P&P suddenly end with Lizzie and Mr Darcy hating each other, but Flip's egotistical ex-husband finds the dead passenger pigeon and starts sleuthing to find out where she might have discovered the long-extinct bird.

Flip has to straighten out the book. Not only will she have ruined it for every reader in the world, but even worse the book will alter and alter until she, her fears, her actions, and every emotion she has will be public knowledge. Unfortunately the only person who might be able to help is a visiting Austen scholar, Magnus Knightley, a Brit who's so much a dry interpretationalist of Austen that he can't fathom why anyone reads it if not for the social satire. He reluctantly joins Flip for the mind-altering massage and astoundingly finds himself as Colonel Fitzwilliam, counselling a Mr Darcy who has been scorned and rejected by Lizzie the mere night before they should be marrying in the novel. And to make matters worse, Flip's ex-husband and new teenaged girlfriend show up on the scene, co-starring as Wickham and Lydia. Will Magnus get the stick out of his ass and fall in love with Flip? Will ex-husband get his comeuppance? But most importantly: can the most beloved novel of English fiction be set to rights?

Review: There's a lot of sex in this book.

Flip (as previously unknown P&P character) and Mr Darcy. Flip and Magnus. Ex-husband and tarty girlfriend. Even Jane and Bingley, in the periphery. But more than the actual sex, the sexual tension is thick, and every character seems as obsessed with sex as...I can't think of a good parallel. And my sainted mother reads this blog. But when you've got two virtual strangers betting a spanking on a round of Scrabble - and the spanking obsession carries forth throughout the novel - well, you've probably got the idea by now.

As for plot holes, I don't even want to get into the intricacies of how a masseuse can advertise "escape into your favorite novel!" and have not had a clientele that has changed the entire canon of world literature. Apparently if you're dealing with a piddling novel like Flip's Venetian romance it'll be ok, but if you dig too deep into a classic, it all goes to hell. I don't get it. I don't think it's necessary to get it, but it still bothered me.

And even then...so the incessant sex and sexual comments and sexual hazes aren't particularly to my taste, Seducing Mr Darcy isn't a bad book, just more sex-heavy than I like. Some of the characters aren't really fleshed out - Magnus comes to mind - but Flip (which is short for Phillipa, FYI) is fun, sassy, smart, and human. Her ex-husband is a particular brand of self-obsessed and the tarty new teenaged girlfriend is appropriately conniving and equally egotistical. Many of the supporting cast is presented more in the tell-rather-than-show mold, but Flip remains sarcastic, strong, and sometimes vulnerable, and the best character of them all. Seducing Mr Darcy is fun escapism, as long as you can get over seeing beloved P&P characters in a somewhat different light than dear Jane ever intended.

Verdict: Escapist fun. If you're into sexy romances or sassy heroines, give this one a go.

A special note for strict interpretationalist Janeites: If you can't bear adaptations or retellings, if you're dead against ITV's "Lost in Austen," if you have no desire to see a mostly-naked Darcy (unless he's Colin Firth, I understand), stay away.

This was a particularly tough one for me. I adore Austen but tend to stay away from retellings or sequels simply because most of them, to me, aren't well written or written in the style or spirit of Austen (The Family Fortune is a notable exception.) That doesn't mean I disagree with them on a literature-minded way: I do think that interpretations, continuations, adaptations and the like have the ability to introduce a wider audience to a great novel, whether it's Austen, Shakespeare, McEwan, or anyone. For example, I only read Jane Austen books since I loved the films (the 1999 "Mansfield Park," for one, though in reality it bore very little resemblance to the book, which then went on to be my favorite Austen), and only started to love Austen after reading Richard Jenkyns' wonderful critique A Fine Brush On Ivory.

Seducing Mr Darcy presented me with the particular challenge of viewing a lot of the characters of Pride and Prejudice (particularly Fitzwilliam Darcy) in a sexual way, which was something I didn't necessarily need or want. The first sex scene had me thinking, "Well, this isn't how I'd imagine Darcy!" In order to read the book I had to remind myself that it was a romance and not intended to supplant Austen but in some way to honor it. The author herself admits to being a huge Pride and Prejudice fan. Though in the end I found myself divorcing the P&P characters in Seducing Mr Darcy from my concept of P&P: these people were the creations of Gwen Cready, not Jane Austen, and the novel worked better for me if I simply didn't associate the two. At all.

The cover snark: (Caveat: Most authors have nothing to do with their covers. Any opinion expressed below is not meant to reflect the author’s taste or style, or the quality of the book.)

So we barely have to invoke our patron saint of double-sided tape, as the shirt on (presumably) Mr Darcy is at least in the process of being removed: no pretenses of that puppy staying on.

Our patron saint of double-sided tape

And better yet, here we have a fine example of the style of the famous Lipizzaner horses, though in necessarily one-legged form. Gauging by the visible stiletto on the left foot, I sincerely hope that she's wearing a Birkenstock on the other foot.

I'm also curious as to what fine 18th-century English manor house was used for the background image, and more curious to see if perhaps the tourists visible around the bottom of the steps on both the left and right could have been Photoshopped out. I could own that house. No problem. Hey, get in touch and we'll talk.



Up next month: A Highlander Never Surrenders by Paula Quinn

Early thoughts? Och! I really chose this one on the basis of the oh-so-very yellow and red plaid on the front so I haven't even cracked open the book yet. I wonder if that's a true clan plaid. But fear not! Research will be done...